friendsit's july 1st and it's raining. I wake up and it's raining. I go to bed and it's raining. For a week now the only word I can use to describe the passing days is "wet". It kinda makes me mad.. it's summer and it's raining. Having a beach 10 minutes away is useless if it's pouring outside while the sun just hibernates on its ass.
Athazagoraphobia - the fear of being forgotten.
I'm not particularly religious. Actually, to be honest, I'm not religious at all. I might be leaping into death by putting this down for everyone to see, but I'll say it: I don't believe in God. (Now, please, if anyone is reading this, no evil comments about atheists, ok?) It's not that I stopped believing, I just don't think I've ever had religion as a part of my life. It's not in me; and, forgive me, but I'm not on any journey to find it.
Sometimes I envy believers. Those true believers - they probably never feel alone because they believe God is always with them. Whenever they're in over their heads with problems and issues to deal with, deep down they're okay, because they believe that God will see them through. It must be kind of cool.. believing in God. It's kind of like having a constant companion. Someone to talk to. A true friend. In a world of billions of people, we could all use at least one good friend.
Look at me: an atheist promoting religion. Irony makes the world go round. An atheist claiming that God is your friend. God will be a friend who'll never ever leave you, even if the going gets really rough, God will rough it along with you. That's probably a comforting thought to all those who feel it's true.
It must be nice to lie awake at night, and feel safe.
It's been a long time since I've lied awake at night and felt safe. I loathe getting into bed to sleep. It's in that moment when we're truly physically alone. We're nothing but purely ourselves. We're not trying to make somebody laugh, we're not fighting off our brothers, we're not working or watching television. It's the one moment in our entire day when we spend time with just ourselves. We sort out thoughts and feelings. Even if you don't intend to, and we're just silently lying in our beds, buckets of emotions and memories - whether they're old memories or things that happened 15 minutes ago - hit you. They don't stop until you're alseep.
What do you do, then, when instead of buckets, you've got an ocean? Every night, I drown in my bed. Every night I shiver until I snore. Every night I count the pieces of my broken heart -only to lose them again in the darkness. Every night.
As blasphemous and cynical as this may seem, this is an atheist saying "God help me"
